Showing 1–12 of 24 results

  • Inferno Grill

    Inferno grill is what happens when you ask the Germans to make a backyard grill that will cook any meat to perfection in the shortest amount of time. It will make every other backyard grill look like a clunker. This is the Maybach of grills. Cook with sheer confidence. At this level you dont even need to spice your meats. They will spice themselves in this bad boi. 1500 degrees of sheer fucking heat harnessed for your pleasure.

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  • The Mighty Mjolnir Meat Tenderizer

    Be you worthy enough to wield the might meat tenderizer crafted from the heat of a dying star! Be you strong enough to wield unlimited power! You most probably are not. Thats why this meat tenderizer was crafted on earth in the heat of a regular, believable forge. Beat the shit out of that meat like no one is watching. Tenderize that bitch so it fucking melts in your hands. High quality stainless steel and engraved with the phrase “Whosoever holds this hammer, if they be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor”. What’s not to like?

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  • Ricks Space Ship USB Light

    Explore the cosmos that is your dirty desk with this detailed replica of Rick’s spaceship. Functioning lights and a silhouette of Rick and Morty add to the amazing details of this USB light. Great as a reading light or something to add some cool to your room.

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  • Pocket Sun

    Ever wanted to light up adjacent planets or see what the forest is hiding? Is night too dark and morning not bright enough? Ever wish you could compete with that orange and yellow ball of glowing fuck? Now you can do any of the above with your very own pocket sun. 90000 lumens of focused rage and intensity will have you questioning your own sanity and that of your partners for letting you buy this. Rechargeable and extremely fun. Just be safe and never point it at anyone ever.

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  • Mini Excavator

    When I was a little Alpaca, all I had to play with was a couple of marbles and some random stones I found. Its not that toys didn’t exist, its just that they were not exciting enough for me. I needed things to move the very earth beneath my feet, I wanted to hear the audible squeals of other children as they would tremble in the presence of my mighty excavator but sadly this did not exist when I was tiny. It does exist now and if you have children they might enjoy the power that a mini excavator brings. Made of steel and extremely durable and comes with track wheel with go anywhere capabilities. I think I can lose enough weight to fit on this, fuck I need this!!!!

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  • How to Be Interesting: (In 10 Simple Steps)

    The art of attraction isn’t just about how good you look or how well you dress, that is somewhat a small part of it. The ability to have a stimulating conversation or spontaneously initiate one on a topic of common interest or just the ability to make people smile and laugh will get you further in life than just your good looks. Learn how to master the art of conversation, emotional self control, quiet confidence and ooze suave wherever you go.  But read this book to make that happen. Its worth your time.

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  • Brainstream SOI The Original Purse Light

    The many mysteries of our universe continue to motivate us to search for answers. Be it the distant galaxies in space or the wonders that hide in the deepest parts of our ocean. There is however, another mystery that has confounded the brightest of minds on the planet. Brilliant minds like Hawking and Einstein have famously said “just how the fuck do they even work?” My confused friends, I am talking about a woman’s hand bag. Yes there are no mysteries deeper than this magical contraption. Hermione fit an entire tent in hers and I once saw a woman pull out an entire fucking burrito out of hers. How do they even work? Well in any case you will need this light that will help in pulling out the wonders that live in your hand bag. Motion activated and everything!

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  • Goal Zero Crush Light Solar Powered Lantern

    Adventure is in our blood (well for some of us at least). This means that we are constantly looking for that next mountain to climb (why though?), that next hill to bike on (for reals?), that next cave to explore (you fools crazy or some shit) or that night out in the wilderness away from it all (we have Starlink bitches). Anyhoo, if you find yourself out and about away from civilization, be sure to take this solar powered muthafucking RGB lantern. Thing folds itself so its compact and shit. Carry it in your pocked and has a 35 hour run time. Thats like a whole night or something (I dont know how time works). Cheap and very well reviewed. 

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  • Model 1911 Rubber Band Gun

    So you are married and cant stand each other anymore but also dont want to go to jail. Well this is somewhat cathartic but literal at the same time. With this wooden replica 1911 you can shoot your partner with rubber bands (not recommended) and take out that anger and frustration one band at a time. Again not actually recommended that you do it but we cant make decisions for you. Also good for target practice and shooting random inanimate objects or that fucking racoon that keeps raiding the backyard (I am on to you Smokey). Also dont take it outside the house if you live in America. 

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  • blk Premium Alkaline Water Infused with Fulvic Trace

    So this is water but its black. Its black because it has fulvic acid in it which turns the water black. Totally safe to consume and has some benefits to it. Supposedly will help with hydration and recovery. Whether that works or not is up for debate. What isn’t is the fact that the “WATER IS FUCKING BLACK”. How mega fucking cool is that. You could totally cosplay as some mysterious dude and drink this water. Or do it in a meeting with your peers at work. Total fucking power move. Get promoted instantly! No one will fuck with you ever. In their eyes you are GOD.

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  • Smoke-Free Spark-Free Portable Wood Pellet Fire Pit,

    The best way to enjoy the outdoors in the winter is to stay inside. If for whatever insane reason you want to sit out in the cold and have a drink or whatever the fuck you wanna do then you need to have one of these smokeless fire pits. They produce a big flame and none of the smoke. This way at least you will be able to breathe as you slowly freeze and pretend the flame is warming you up and that the experience is enjoyable. Know this that it is only a matter of time before your wife and children leave you, wondering what went wrong in your childhood to make you torture your self like this.

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  • Chicken Legs Knee-High Socks

    To keep things fresh in the bedroom, it is always a good idea to try new things and ask each other what fantasies should you as a couple explore? Maybe do it covered in Jell-O, or have a friend join, or add some toys or you can ask “wanna do it with chicken socks on?”. Nothing will get the blood flowing faster than a woman in chicken leg knee high socks. As a bonus you can get the chicken harness to really heat things up. 

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