There is nothing more satisfying then beating your meat repeatedly until it feels absolutely soft to the touch. The problem with beating your meat repeatedly is that it can become quite dry which can lead to chaffed cheeks. There is a way to both beat your meat and make sure that marinade seeps all the way in for maximum pleasure. Tiny blades on the tenderizer will create enough spacing in the meat to allow juices to seep in so its juicy with every mouthful. You know you want your meat juicy and tenderized. Dry meat leads to sadness.
Are you the kind of person that wakes up at 4 in the morning and goes for a 20k run every day up a hill with a 20 pound backpack cause life is your bitch and you ain’t bitch made. Those monster calves that you are building need hydration but you are in the zone and dont want to slow down and quench your thirst. Well my kangaroo friend the extrememist hydration kit will keep you cool and quench your thirst at the same time. Spray cool water in your face and leave your competition in the dust. You are a class above and you deserve this water pack thing.
Fucking Chickens. They taste good and now they looking good. Fuck me these two legged fucks are versatile. Some of the pictures have us questioning our sanity and I am not ashamed to admit it but I think I might be jealous of their dashing good looks. This is the kind of book that needs to be in every house. We need a yearly competition for the most beautiful chicken in the universe. We will call it “The Tendies”. Please send Pulitzer info to our contact us. Thanks!
So you discovered r/mealprep and now want to get in on the action. However, you have the brain output of a salt crystal and the kitchen equipment list of a snail on cocaine. In other words you lack the capability to prep let alone meal. Fear not my late bloomer friend, capitalism has you covered. The meal prep deck comes with a recipe organizer and 45+ other items that cover the basic needs for practically preparing almost all kinds of recipes (you still need utensils and the thing that makes heat). You can measure, cut, dice, juice, peel, squeeze, clean, grate, open bottles and a lot more with this wonderful contraption. This is the kind of stuff Einstein would be proud of. Buy one and make your life easier.
I’m terribly sorry but whiskey connoisseurs around the world will splash out ah fortune on their elixir of choice. they will jolly well go out of their way to muster the right glass and ice cubes to enjoy their favorite liquid gold. Yet all of them always stack their elixirs of spiffing expense in the most absurd and rather unfortunate cabinets. well, this globe public house cart wit jolly wheels will have you, one’s old bean, living the royal life. guests will swoon, marriages will end and business deals will be made. Jolly well old sport
Ahhhh the PlayStation. Such fond memories of an era gone by. Things used to be simple back then. You would go out and get a game, pop it in and start playing. No updates, no internet, just you and the game. It was the one ounce of happiness that a lot of us had and shared with our friends and loved ones. Playing late into the night, snacks everywhere, absurdly difficult levels and that beautiful grey console chugging along. It never disappointed. It just kept going and it just got better and better. This one is for people who want to keep a piece of the past. You may no longer have the Daddy PS but you can have this reimagination with 20 built in games. Its cheap too!
These pixel devices are amazeballs awesome. There is something nostalgic yet geeky about having one of these things and they seem to get better with every iteration. LaMetrics pixel display is one of the best on the market and comes loaded with a lot of features and great software support and integration. It can display the 3 followers you have on Instagram or the 1 subscriber you have on your Twitch channel. Great for checking your non existent Bitcoin portfolio or just staring at it and watching the time tick by. It wont get you laid (or might) but it will definitely remind you of all the things you want to do but will never do.
If you are still buying furniture from Ikea then I am proud of you but would still recommend a bit of variety in your life. Try something new, bit of an adventure so to speak. Start with this beautiful coffee table that rotates and shit. I mean its like something out of a movie where some rich dude impresses his nemesis with this table. Think about it. Total power move. Rotate this table and the nemesis is like “Fuck, dude has style” Easy win. Durable and stylish. Worth the investment. What else will you spend that money on anyways?
Humidifiers are cool, they help humidify (lol) your place and prevent that thing on your face from drying out. Plus if you have allergies and are constantly blowing your nose then you know how much of a lifesaver these things really are. Problem with humidifiers is they either look like someone took a flower pot and turned it into a humidifier or someone stripped out some serious looking medical thing. They are never pleasing to the eye. This one changes that with its bulb design with palm trees and RGB LED (dope as fuck) lights. Seriously this shit is tighter than my pants after an all you can eat buffet.
Rolexes, Omega, Rado, Hamilton and all them swiss brands got nothing on this bad boi. Designed for both fuck bois and engineers (lol), this watch is meant to be a statement rather than a time piece. The amazingly detailed yet elevated face will have you wonder at the complexities that hide under its face (its a quartz so most likely a battery and a chinese movement). Sandblasted to give it its unique look and complemented with a beautiful brown strap, this watch will suit any occasion you might imagine (like a grocery run or taking the trash out). But for reals a really good watch with a very nice design. Treat yo self!
We all have that one friend who for some inexplicable reason was just really good at chemistry. They were the ones always reciting chemical equations or formulae (bet you didn’t know the plural of formula) and constantly attempting to mix one thing with another in the hopes of creating tiny explosions or bubbles. Either way they were always the weird but bubbly ones in the group and you loved them for it. Maybe you have fallen out of touch, maybe you still keep in touch but it would be a perfect time to send them a gift in the form of this spice rack with chemical formulas (bet you didn’t know this was correct too). Watch them explode (with joy) when they finally realize their friends still remember them. Light up their day.
Beep Boop, measure your ingredients with droid like precision using this R2 D2 measuring body thing with built in spoons that are its arms. Mind fucking blown. This is the kind of stuff adults should be buying rather than boring old dollar store bullshit they bought and barely use. Stuff like this is gonna make you wanna cook and stuff. Its going to make you measure and improve the quantity of ingredients you use. No more eyeballing bullshit and giving yourself a salt overdose. Level up your cooking game! Beep muthafucking Boop