Showing 1–12 of 107 results

  • The Mighty Mjolnir Meat Tenderizer

    Be you worthy enough to wield the might meat tenderizer crafted from the heat of a dying star! Be you strong enough to wield unlimited power! You most probably are not. Thats why this meat tenderizer was crafted on earth in the heat of a regular, believable forge. Beat the shit out of that meat like no one is watching. Tenderize that bitch so it fucking melts in your hands. High quality stainless steel and engraved with the phrase “Whosoever holds this hammer, if they be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor”. What’s not to like?

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  • Ricks Space Ship USB Light

    Explore the cosmos that is your dirty desk with this detailed replica of Rick’s spaceship. Functioning lights and a silhouette of Rick and Morty add to the amazing details of this USB light. Great as a reading light or something to add some cool to your room.

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  • Yeti Feet That Moisturize

    Take a look at your heels and then compare the cracks to the Grand Canyon. Congratulations, your feet have more cracks than anywhere on earth and just thinking about how bad they are is hurting our brains. Fear not! We dispatched a top team of baby seals to hunt for Yeti feet. These feet can be worn on your feet (big brain moves) to moisturize them and turn those cracks into smooth silky flats. Wear them when you are sleeping, wear them at work (power move), wear them at your wedding or wear them at your divorce and you will have the most beautiful feet in all of existence. Open an Only Fans then and thank us later!

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  • Dolla Dolla Rolls Y’all

    Ever since every Hollywood movie every, I have wanted to use a 100 dollar bill to consume stuff. Unfortunately I dont have a 100 dollar bill to waste away. This has made me very sad and listen to sad pop on repeat on Spotify for a very long time. Through sheer luck I came across the 100 dollar bill rolling papers. While not exactly what I had in mind, they still have the hit and feel of burning the real thing. Roll up (lol) to the party with a few of these bad bois and you are not going home empty handed (if you do not know what this means, then this product is most definitely not for you). 

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  • Orange Man Toilet Brush

    A person who is very flat-chested is very hard to be a 10, but a clean toilet bowl is a sign of extreme intelligence. I’ll tell you what, it is a subtle notification that you have your shit together and are ready for whatever life throws at you. To be honest with you, Billy G and Heffe B have both said that their journey to billions started when they cleaned their own toilet bowls. The people that are friends of mine that called to say, Donald, you too can have all that power with the ultimate toilet bowl cleaner. We have a real problem here – the orange man toilet bowl cleaner will go around every crevice and do a thorough job deporting any waste that may have taken residence in your throne. But look, I went to Ivy League schools.

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  • Pocket Sun

    Ever wanted to light up adjacent planets or see what the forest is hiding? Is night too dark and morning not bright enough? Ever wish you could compete with that orange and yellow ball of glowing fuck? Now you can do any of the above with your very own pocket sun. 90000 lumens of focused rage and intensity will have you questioning your own sanity and that of your partners for letting you buy this. Rechargeable and extremely fun. Just be safe and never point it at anyone ever.

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  • Beehive Candle

    This is a candle that looks like a beehive. It burns for 70 to 80 hours and has tiny little bees all over it that make it look like they are trying to get in. What the bees dont know is that they are made of wax and will slowly burn for your depraved pleasure. Watch hour by hour as the wax melts away getting closer and closer to the bees and eventually the first will fall and you will smile with a vicious look in your eyes. Also great for just looking good and adding some flavor to your casa! 

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  • Captain America Shield Light

    The Avengers franchise was not made to inspire but to monetize and fuck yeah they are making top notch shit. Check out this Captain America Shield that sticks to a wall and looks like Cap himself hurled it at your wall. Lights up and shit and looks hella fucking dope. Great choice as a wedding gift or perfect as a night light for your bedroom or the kids room. Uses batteries so no cords to worry about. Put one in your living room and watch people drool all over your carpet. Tell them about me though!

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  • How to Be Interesting: (In 10 Simple Steps)

    The art of attraction isn’t just about how good you look or how well you dress, that is somewhat a small part of it. The ability to have a stimulating conversation or spontaneously initiate one on a topic of common interest or just the ability to make people smile and laugh will get you further in life than just your good looks. Learn how to master the art of conversation, emotional self control, quiet confidence and ooze suave wherever you go.  But read this book to make that happen. Its worth your time.

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  • Puffer Fish Dryer Buddies

    Drying clothes is not really a hard task and even a goldfish high on a premium sativa can do it. Somehow your dumbass seems to keep fucking it up and setting the heat too low or too high and basically ruining them fancy threads. What you need to unfuck yourself is these dryer buddies. They help separate your clothes and distribute the heat evenly so your clothes dont shrink and dry properly. If you fuck this up too then you either need a new dealer or you are a pigeon and not a goldfish. 

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  • Brainstream SOI The Original Purse Light

    The many mysteries of our universe continue to motivate us to search for answers. Be it the distant galaxies in space or the wonders that hide in the deepest parts of our ocean. There is however, another mystery that has confounded the brightest of minds on the planet. Brilliant minds like Hawking and Einstein have famously said “just how the fuck do they even work?” My confused friends, I am talking about a woman’s hand bag. Yes there are no mysteries deeper than this magical contraption. Hermione fit an entire tent in hers and I once saw a woman pull out an entire fucking burrito out of hers. How do they even work? Well in any case you will need this light that will help in pulling out the wonders that live in your hand bag. Motion activated and everything!

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  • Glass Washer with Double Sided Bristle Brush

    The problem with working from home is that you end up using the same coffee mug again and again and again. You rinse it every now and then with hot water and maybe scrub it but you know you keep telling yourself that its just coffee. All the while the coffee scales have been building up a tiny little colony at the base of the cup, the rim of the cup feels weird and slippery and the cup has a weird but not too bad odor. The whole reason you are putting off a good scrubbing is because you are lazy and your mother did not raise you right. Fear not my average person. The suction cup scrub thing will have you cleaning your cup in like 10 seconds flat (at least that’s what my Girlfriend said). You can easily last that long. Get yourself one and clean that damn cup!

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